We Read the Story That Started It All

This morning I am up before the rest of my family, praying for them as we begin the new year. During 2015, in addition to the fun and challenge of "putting off" something together, we're taking up the mantle of family solidarity in a much more significant way, as well. This year, we are "putting on" the daily habit of time in God's Word and journaling.

Although spending time reading God's Word each day has been a goal for each of us every year, this year we are shamelessly bribing our children to remain consistent by offering them money—and family pressure—to get it done. We figure there is no greater investment we could make in our children's lives than to help them establish a no-matter-what, it's-just-what-I-do-every-day habit of reading the Scriptures and writing about it.

To that end, we put forth this offer—printed and laminated into a book mark—and placed it in their stockings during the Christmas festivities:

The front of the card:
“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”    - 2 Timothy 3:14-17
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“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, O Lord; teach me your decrees…I will not neglect your word.”
- Psalm 119:9-12, 16b

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The Offer: Read your Bible and write in your journal daily for all of 2015, and we will give you $200 to spend as you like. Miss one day and you forfeit all of it.

The Challenge: Every day. No matter what.

The Benefit: “I’ve never met a strong Christian who does not meditate every day on the words of God. I’ve never met a weak Christian who does.”      – Ben Stuart

“Practice Round”: Starting tomorrow, on Christmas Eve, you may begin. On New Year’s Day, when you officially start this challenge, if you’ve succeeded, you will receive $20 toward a nice dinner out together as a family.

The back of the card:
“I’ve never met a strong Christian who does not meditate every day on the words of God.  I’ve never met a weak Christian who does.”    – Ben Stuart

Journal-Writing Tips
·         Write the date at the top of your entry. I also like to include the time that I am writing, in case I write more than once per day.
·         Write the reference for the Bible passage you read that day.
·         Write something meaningful to you that’s on your heart—either at this season of life, on this particular day, or in response to this particular Bible passage.
·         You might choose to begin with something like one of the following:
- “Thank You, Lord, for…”
- “Lord, please help me with…”
- "This verse makes me realize…”
- "I really need to…”
- "I’m struggling with…”
- "I’m struck by…”
Note: Most people find it easiest to stay consistent with a devotional time if it is done first thing in the morning, upon awakening.

The “Proof”: You will show that you met the conditions by your word, and by having a daily entry in your journal, dated and showing which Bible verses you read that day. These entries are between you and the Lord alone. We won’t read them.

The “Rules”: Your entries may be as long or as short as you like, but the goal is daily time in the Word and prayer. You must write an entry each day, and you may not create an entry for a day you missed on a different day.

The cheap Ollie's calendars on which we'll keep track of our daily progress.
One is for the four of us here, one is for PT back at college,
 and one is for EV (and Ron!) when she gets married in February.

This is a bit of a bittersweet pursuit for us, learning the habit of daily journaling. We've all been given a front-row peek into the personal journals of our dear friend Mark Rodriguez as his mother, Leigh Ellen, has been publishing excerpts of them online in the form of near-daily encouraging devotional thoughts. (See God Is Super Good.) Mark, one of our son PT's best buds, was tragically killed in a random shooting as he drove home from his school's graduation ceremony last May. While this experience has rocked our faith community, where Mark's father is pastor, it has also served to strengthen so many of us in our walks with the Lord. As this was what Mark was all about in life, we know that he is rejoicing, even now, that it is still being accomplished here on earth while he resides in heaven.

Won't you consider joining us this year in our daily pursuit of time reading the Bible—God's very words to us—and in capturing our thoughts through journaling? We are so looking forward to growing in our faith and faithfulness this year! 

After all, consider this, from Ben Stuart: "I've never met a strong Christian who does not meditate every day on the words of God. I've never met a weak Christian who does." May we all be stronger Christians this time next year because of the time we've spent with Him every day in 2015!

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*Entry 8, The 12 Days of Christmas Blog Challenge
The title is a line from the Christmas song "Daddy, Won't You Read It Again" by This Hope.

I Sure Do Like Those Christmas Cookies

I am typing this in a few stolen moments amid the craziness of New Year's Eve Day stuff. This afternoon—by which I mean all afternoon—involved shopping with my girls for a mother-of-the-bride dress, as well as shoes for the bridesmaids. I am now grabbing a quick shower—shopping makes me feel grungy—before heading into the kitchen to work on the festive Swiss-German feast my husband planned and is supposed to be cooking, but isn't, because he's stuck at Men's Wearhouse taking care of getting his suit for the wedding—and my son PT's, who at 6'7" is too tall for the one they chose for the groomsmen to wear! (I'm telling you, wedding planning is not for wimps!)

My dear father-in-law is here with us this year, and he forgot to bring his hearing aid. Having been deaf in one ear since a childhood illness took his hearing on the right side, he is now almost completely deaf without the assistance of a hearing aid in his good left ear as well. What this means for us is that the movie we will watch tonight as we wait for midnight, has to be mostly dialogue-free. Enter All Is Lost, a perfect movie for Opa, an avid sailor in his youth and still-sometime-sailor now, at age 80. Never mind that it's kind of a downer for New Year's Eve. With a mere handful of words at the very beginning, in a voice-over monologue, it is really the only movie he will be able to follow and enjoy.

As I type, I am eating a cookie. In fact, I have been eating cookies for days. We have all been eating way too many cookies for about a week now, and I have polished off at least two dozen all by myself in the past three days, I'm sure. Why so many cookies? Because that's what we're giving up as a family this year. Beginning at midnight tonight, No Cookies 2015 will begin for us. My son PT has agreed to join us even while he's away at college. My daughter EV, the one getting married, has remained silent about her intentions once she's in her own home in February, but for now, she's joining us in our solidarity effort. Hopefully we'll have better success than we did last year, when we bit off more than we (couldn't) chew.

A few remaining Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies and Cheri's Snickers Cookies are still in the kitchen, and Laurie J.'s Chocolate Chip Cookies are being prepared as I type. Yum! Like George Strait declares in one of the goofiest Christmas songs of all time: "I sure do like those Christmas cookies!" And for a few more hours, at least, I get to eat them to my heart's content.
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*Entry 7, The 12 Days of Christmas Blog Challenge
The title is a line from the song "Christmas Cookies" by George Strait.

The Art of Sticking With the Giving Up

My friend Pam Fahs is one of those people who is extremely talented, extremely driven, extremely dedicated, and living life with great deliberateness. You know the type... the one you'd absolutely despise if she weren't so absolutely sweet... and didn't somehow pull off "unquestioningly better than you in every possible area" and still not make you feel judged or demeaned in any way. Seriously. I don't know how she does it, but somehow she always makes me feel inspired and encouraged toward improvement rather than judged and found wanting. I wish she lived nearby. I'd love to just hang out and share life ideas together! (Read: learn from her perpetually, and copy her shamelessly...)

So, one of the areas she's totally better than we are is in the Family Solidarity Challenge. (This is my name for it, not hers! Hers would be snappy and memorable and would either rhyme in a cool way, contain a clever play on words, or consist of a memorable acronym. And it would probably somehow involve the number 7.)

For many years now, her family has "given up" something together, for the entire year. Here is a recent Facebook post from her that explains the process a bit:

As No Candy 2014 is coming to a close, T. and I are trying (without too much success) to engage our kids in a discussion of what we will give up as a family in 2015 (all in the interest of building family unity and eliminating one unhealthy thing for a year). Winners of the "Nice Try Award" so far:

A: "No Fried Food on a Thursday 2015"
C: "No Ranch Dressing 2015"
Q: "No Rice 2015" (Yeah, impossible!)
T: "No Eating Out Monday Through Thursday 2015" (Also impossible!)
A: "No Cucumbers 2015"
A: "No Tomato Sauce 2015"
R: "No Peanuts 2015"

Pam continues: I'm about to make an executive decision on "No Cake 2015," "No Cookies 2015," or "No Ice Cream 2015." I think "No Cake" will cause the smallest revolt. 

For the record, I tried the "executive decision" approach last year. After having successfully given up soda for all of 2013—and finding it wonderful in so many ways—we were going to join them again in 2014. We chose "No Sweet Treats 2014," Um, yeah. None. Of any of them. Nothing. Of all of them. We made it, I think, to about February before we just quit. I don't consider it a total failure, however, since we learned what NOT to do if you want to be successful.

So, we're back to the drawing board for 2015, remembering what we learned from last year's fiasco: No huge, broad categories. No exceptions or special circumstances. No caveats. ("It's a wedding. Eat the cake."..."They made them special just for us."..."But they bought them for us and we can't just let them go to waste."..."Daddy ate one!")

What will it be this year? We're not sure yet, but we're all weighing in, considering some of the Fahses' past successful adventures: "No French Fries 2010," "No Soda 2011," "No Fast Food 2012" (Avid sportsters, they allowed themselves Chick-Fil-A for game nights), "No Chips 2013" (I believe there was a brief dispensational pause when they visited Texas or someplace with great Southwestern food) and "No Candy 2014."

It isn't at all surprising to me that Pam's family is five for five and we're hobbling in, trying to make two out of three this year. That's typical! But also true to form, she's inspired us to carry on despite our past failure. We bit off more than we (couldn't) chew last year with our attempt to give up every single sweet treat. This year we'll be more specific. (Specificity is key! No ever-expanding "grey areas" to go snacking in!)

The feedback I've gotten so far?

EL: How about we DON'T do "No Sweet Treats 2015"! I'm good with anything else... No chips, maybe? But that would mean no Mi Casita, no Guad's, no chippies! NOOOO!

IM: I could go with NO CAKE... if cheesecake is not really a cake.

OG: I'd say no chips or pre-packaged snack food. That's probably the worst thing you could reach for when you're hungry, but because it's easy, that's what's gravitated towards instead of something healthier like ants on a log or almonds or veggies....

PT: No cookies is probably smartest, given how many we can eat without feeling bad about it.

That last comment probably stems from the fact that EL has made three different batches of Christmas cookies so far—all meant to be served on Christmas Eve—and they're all gone! We eat them all, every time she bakes them. Clearly, we need some help!

Perhaps we've already found our "need to give it up" thing for 2015 after all! Won't you join us? What will your family choose?

Goodbye, cookies! We'll miss you desperately. See you in 2016!

Later we'll have some pumpkin pie...

Today, day TWO into "No Sweet Treats 2014," I almost cheated... I almost cheated accidentally, then I almost cheated deliberately.  We were at Costco, shopping for and visiting with some dear friends who moved to Johnson City, TN, where they have no Costco!  (How do you shop if you don't have Costco?!)

After our friends left, and my sweet daughters headed out to start loading our purchases into the car, I ducked into the ladies' room.  On the way out, as a fun surprise I knew would thrill them, I stopped and bought two churros for my girls.  (For the uninitiated, these are delicious!)

It never occurred to me that I had just purchased a forbidden sweet treat.  Truly!  It wasn't until I got out to the car and proudly presented my surprise...
puzzled looks... confusion...
"Mo-om!"
"What?!"...  (I'm a little thick!)...
"No sweet treats!"

I promise you I was that dumb!  I had totally forgotten.  As in totally.

"Oh no!  I totally forgot!"
Then it started...
A girl who will remain unnamed: "Weeelll, it's only the 2nd..."  (Hear long, sweet Southern drawl on that first syllable!)
The other girl: "It's okay.  You forgot.  It doesn't matter.  We won't do it again..."

How tempting those words were!  How much I suddenly wanted this thing I'd cared little for just three minutes earlier!

I was reminded of this verse, from Romans 7:8 ~ "But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. "

And so it was.  Now that I wasn't supposed to have it... wasn't allowed to have it... Oh how much more I wanted it!  I was thankful to be able to call on the name of the One who strengthens me to resist the lure (and justifications!) of my flesh, enabling me to resist the oh-so-tempting draw of the-thing-which-I've-seen-and-now-want, but which I shouldn't have.

Of course, those churros were not really forbidden, and it wouldn't have been sin to eat them, but I did have a very small picture of the sin battle right before my very eyes.

I gave them away to a surprised woman and her two delighted children.  And I did walk away!

Now only 363 days to go!

Exercise Is Just Plain Good

And I don't necessarily mean that it is good for you, although that is unarguably the case.  We all know that.  It doesn't necessarily make us do it. 

 I'm talking something much more base, much more immediate, much more self-serving...and something I want to remember forever, when I'm tempted to forget.  When I'm tempted to stop exercising--as I always am--I want to remember this:  

Exercise makes me feel better.  

So this post is to my future self, the one who will decide that:
+ she's too tired (Remember, you feel much less sleepy when you exercise!)
+ her back hurts (Remember, it hurts less when you exercise regularly!)
+ she doesn't have time (Remember, you have lots more energy when you exercise!)
+ it's too cold (Remember, you can use the treadmill or the elliptical!)
+ it's boring (Remember, there's always Netflix--the inferior motivation for us "less-spiritual-than-Ann-Voskamp-who-listens-to-Scripture-read-aloud-while-she-exercises" types!)

Remember, future self: Exercise makes you feel better!!!

Grammar Geek Grace

Recently, I re-posted a friendly Facebook post from a friend regarding the correct use of apostrophes when making names plural.  (Hint: the answer is, NEVER!)

I thought her super sweet personality came through in the kind, respectful tone she used--and all of the dozens of comments she had received were positive ones--so I decided to copy her words exactly, just to be safe.

This is what I posted:
From my dear fellow grammar-geek friend, Pamela:
Public service announcement from your resident grammar geek: Friends, you can never correctly pluralize a family's last name by adding an apostrophe or an apostrophe plus *s.* The correct way to pluralize a last name is simply to add the letter *s*, unless the last name ends in x, s, z, sh, or ch, in which case you just add *es*. For example, we are the "Fahses." Apostrophes are only for possessive cases. "The Fahses are excited to watch a Duke game in Cameron Indoor Stadium this Christmastime. They'll be staying at the Floreses' house while in North Carolina." Phew. It feels good to get that off my nerdy English teacher chest.

Almost immediately, I received the following reply from a friend:
Ha! Knowing this rule, I still opt for clarity - if "Conchira's" looks better to me, then it works better as far as I am concerned, and I use it. This is a simple choice, because at this point - not having any English teacher to impress - "geek-ness" is only in the eye of the beholder. Plus, ultimately I know that my God is a God of GRACE.. (:

We had some friendly, light-hearted banter back and forth, but ultimately it was possibly going to take on a negative tone, so I just tried to graciously drop it and move on.

The thing is, I haven't been able to.  (On Facebook, yes.  In real life, no.)  I can't believe how much it is bothering me--this idea that there is not an objective right and wrong...that "just whatever I think" is a fine standard for something like grammar.  

My daughter helped this same apostrophe-friend's daughter tune her new violin the other night.  I became amused with the idea of indicating that we tuned it to F, D, B, and A (instead of the standard E, A, D, and G) "because it works better as far as we are concerned." 

I know that I tend to be a black-and-white thinker, and that I often get in trouble by applying black-and-white standards to things that should be opinions and choices.  (Think of things like breastfeeding... tattoos... homeschooling... whether or not someone should teach their kids to eat vegetables... You get the idea!)  But I'm a little flabbergasted at this argument for something like spelling and punctuation in grammar.  

It feels like arguing whether 4x5 really equals 20.  An intelligent, educated adult would never claim, "Well, it just works better for me to think of 4x5 as 45.  That just makes more sense to me."

And my friend is an intelligent, educated adult.  And he is a Christian believer.  And, I assume, he believes in standards of right and wrong.  I have the utmost of respect and admiration for him and his sweet family.  So, this whole experience really has me thinking about how the world views grammar.

I know that most people don't use correct grammar.  I am an editor and an English teacher by profession, so I walk around the world with a figurative red pen in my hand.  I don't say anything to you--and I learned a long time ago how to let it go and not have it affect my opinion of you or your intelligence--but I do see any grammatical errors you may make.  I'm trained to.  Most of the world isn't.  Grammatical rules are sometimes confusing, goofy, counter-intuitive, and difficult to remember and apply.  I get that.  No biggie.

I have just always assumed that the mistakes were because folks didn't know the rules, or didn't know how to apply them correctly.  I have always assumed that people would like to do it right if they could...and that the only time it matters whether it is actually right or not is when one is doing something important, in writing.  (Of course, texting and Facebook statuses don't apply, except to us grammar geek types who still have a hard time leaving out a necessary apostrophe or capital letter even there!) 

But in important, published items--like Christmas cards or address plaques for the front door--I have assumed most people would like it to be correct.  

In fact, just today, I saw this great picture posted on Facebook:

Above it was the line, "Can we get a like in support of our soldier's?"  Rather than the smart-alec English teacher line, "...in support of our soldier's what?!,"  I chose to write them the following (private) message:
Just wanted you to know that--in your post, "Can we get a like in support of our soldier's?"--the word soldiers should be spelled without an apostrophe. Since you're getting hundreds of thousands of "likes," I thought you might want to edit it to be correct.

And I was pretty thrilled with their response: "Good catch. Thank you." 

It is this, "I-like-the-way-it-looks-better-when-it-is-wrong-and-that's-totally-fine-and-legitimate" idea that is totally new to me.

And I think, ultimately, what is haunting me--really--is the deeper realization that this is how we often view standards, too, and not just grammar.  "This works for me.  I like it better this way.  Never mind what's right and wrong in your book.  And don't talk to me about your book.  The fact that you think you're right and I'm wrong makes you narrow-minded... bigoted... judgmental... old-fashioned... fanatical... dogmatic... dangerous."

And yes, I'm as guilty as the next person.  I smile to remember a Beth Moore quote in a Bible study of hers I was attending:  "And, dontcha know, the standard is squarely under mah feet?!!" (That's "my" with Beth's Southern accent!)  That is how we tend to function.  We want to recast right and wrong--good and bad--acceptable and unacceptable--into our own standards that make us feel comfortable... under our feet, if you will.

And so, this year--this new year of 2013--I have a goal.  I want to be sure that anything I take a strong stand for or against, in any way, has a biblical root in Truth.  No getting bent out of shape about anything that isn't explicitly or implicitly addressed in Scripture.  And the implicit better be pretty clear.

So, does the proper spelling of names--and whether or not they are supposed to have apostrophes in the plural--qualify?  No.  Yes, you can argue that there is a right and wrong at stake there, and that loose standards lead to loose morals and all that, but I'm going to try this year to err--in matters that are not moral absolutes--on the side of "make aware, then let it go."  And then I'm really going to try to let it go!

Feel free to hold me to it!

All Is Calm

I must admit that I ponder New Year's Resolutions as much as the next person--probably more, fact.  (I tend to over-analyze everything!)  As I've been considering the idea of "resolutions" this year, I decided to present my friend Pam's idea of a "Family Goal for the New Year" to my family yet again--it's been three years now--to see if they want to follow suit.

This year, for the first time, they said yes! And so we have begun "No Soda 2013" (as a physical family goal) and "No Raised Voices 2013" (as a spiritual family goal).  It is our family's sincere hope and prayer to be calm, kind, and civil in all of our interactions with one another this year--and indeed, always.  We decided that whenever we have opportunity or temptation to drink soda, we will focus on the sweetness of the Lord Jesus, and on the desire we have as a family to speak in sweet tones to one another.

Interestingly, within a few hours of the commencement of this goal, the following article--"How to Break Bad Habits"--arrived to my inbox (from About.com Guide to Depression Nancy Schimelpfening).  How interesting that one of the examples she uses to illustrate her point is yelling at your kids!

A habit is any action that we have performed so often that it becomes almost an involuntary response. If we consider this habit to be undesirable then we may label it a "bad habit." People spend countless hours and dollars each year attempting to break these bad habits and often do not have any success. Why? Because there is no magic bullet. Change is hard work and there is no short cut to achieving it. The steps a person needs to take, however, can be very simply outlined. To effect a change in habits, one needs to bring the action back into the realm of consciousness and regain the ability to make choices.

What's the Payoff?
The first step in breaking a bad habit is to look at why you find this action so compelling. In other words, what's the payoff for doing this seemingly negative thing? Since you've already classified this as a "bad" habit you may be tempted to say there isn't one. But look closer. There is always a payoff. Let's say your bad habit is yelling at your kids. What's in it for you? You let off some steam and feel a little better for the moment. Or you have a bad habit of leaving the dishes unwashed? The payoff could be that you get to spend more time on the Internet!

What's the Trade Off?
Next, take a look at the trade off. What is it that you are losing by exercising your habit? This step should be easier. Just think why it is that you consider it a bad habit in the first place. Yelling at your kids is a bad habit because it leaves everybody feeling tense and tears down your children's self-esteem. You are trading a temporary release of tension for the emotional health of your children. Leaving the dishes undone is a bad habit because your kitchen is a smelly mess. To have more Internet time you are trading off having a pleasant living environment. When you look at it that way it doesn't seem like you are making very wise choices, does it? There has to be a better way.

Time to Make a Choice!
Now that you've weighed both sides of the issue--your payoff and your tradeoff--it's time to make a choice. It's no longer an involuntary act because now you know that you are making a choice every time you perform this action. You are choosing what you value more: the payoff or the tradeoff! Each time you start to do whatever the bad habit is now you have to actively choose. Which do you value more? Do you value more the relief you get by yelling at your kids or do you value their emotional well-being? Do you value more having more Internet time or having a pleasant place to live?

Substituting Better Behaviors
The whole reason you formed your habits in the first place is that they filled a need. You had tension that needed relief or you had a desire to surf the Net. As you break the old patterns you still need a way to fulfill these needs. You will be not only making an active choice to not do the old action you will also be making a choice to perform a better, alternative action in its place. Instead of yelling at your kids you might decide to go for a run every time you are feeling tense. Instead of letting dirty dishes pile up you may decide to use paper plates when you are eating alone. What the new habit is that you substitute isn't so important as whether you feel good about the choices you have made. After all, the reason you consider it a bad habit is because it leaves you feeling bad about yourself.

It's Up to You
By now you should realize that the only way to continue with a bad habit for very long is to sink back into denial of why you are doing it in the first place. Each time you begin to resume your old patterns the thought will pass through your mind that you are trading X for Y each time you perform that action. You will be forced to make a choice, whether good for bad, about continuing your habit. What choices will you make? The one that makes you feel bad about yourself or the one that makes you feel good? It's up to you.

Our family often jokingly refers to ourselves as the Bickerdings.  The kids can spend the entire day from waking to bedtime bickering at each other, often with sharp tones or raised voices.  We adults are also frequently guilty of harsh tones and attitudes as we express our frustrations with our children's behavior.  All of us need a good dose of reminder about what we're actually saying when we choose to speak in those ways to each other.  Thank you, Nancy!

Oh, how I pray that our family will seriously pursue this goal as a family this year--and that we'll see real strides as the Lord convicts, challenges, and changes us!

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:29-32)

He said some pretty great stuff...

President Obama addressed the nation's school children today. All the indignation and hoopla and protest were undeserved. He said some pretty inspirational things to the youth of America.

(You can read a transcript of the entire speech here.)

"I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year. Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.

"I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn. I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

"But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world - and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities.

"Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.

"Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

"That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as...

"Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

"That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, 'I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.' These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time.

"If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

"No one’s born being good at things; you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

"Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.

"So find an adult you trust - a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor - and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

"So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

"Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions.... But you’ve got to do your part, too.

"So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you.

"So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

"Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America."

Autumn Resolutions

In a post entitled Let's Make Some Autumn Resolutions, John Piper challenges toward a life of deliberate self-examination and resolve. I am encouraged, in both senses of the word. I am heartened ("encouraged") to hear teaching that praises the practice, and I am pleased to have been exhorted ("encouraged") toward that end.

God approves of New Year’s resolutions. And mid-year, and three-quarters-year, and monthly, and weekly, and daily resolutions. Any and all resolutions for good have God’s approval—if we resolve by faith in Jesus.

I would like to encourage you to make some autumn resolutions. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Well, the examined life is not worth living either if the examination produces no resolutions. What examination and experience teach us is that the unplanned life settles into fruitless routine. The drifting life—the coasting, que-sera-sera, unreflective life—tends to be a wasted life.

The opposite of this is self-examination—life-examination, routine-examination, schedule-examination, heart-examination—followed by “resolves for good.” That’s what I encourage you to do. Here’s why I think God will be pleased when you do this by faith in Jesus...

Read the entire article here.

Here's to self-examination, and to prayerful consideration, and to godly resolve. I will making a deliberate point of this pursuit over these last two weeks of August. Care to join me?

(More about the idea of "setting stakes"...)

Mondays

"How could he have considered taking Monday off? Monday was the diving board poised over the rest of the week. One walked out on the board, reviewed the situation, planned one's strategy, bounced a few times to get the feel of things, and then made a clean dive. Without Monday, one simply bombed into the water, belly first, and hoped for the best."*

I'm finding it especially challenging to make a clean dive into this week; it is difficult to land nicely when you hit the ground running!

Althought I'm still musing about the "too busy" question I contemplated last week, I think I'll wait until we are unpacked and the laundry is caught up and there is some food in the house before I settle into an any major conclusions...

I have also begun reading an important book: The Overload Syndrome: Learning to Live Within Your Limits, by Richard A. Swenson, M.D.

I'm not going to let these next weeks go by without a prayerful analysis of my life and what activities are in it, and which should be, and which shouldn't...

* Karon, Jan. At Home in Mitford. (New York, Penguin Books USA Inc., 1994).

A week away...

A week away...

It always provides me with time...
and perspective..
and deep thoughts...
and introspection...

And one of the chief things I am coming away with this time is the question: a week away from what?

What is my normal life...
my usual routine...
my "daily grind"...
that keeps me from these very important things when I'm living it?

Am I just too busy? Is the pace too frantic?

I've been contemplating these things this week, and I have come to discover that apparently I'm not the only one...

This post on the Rebelution Blog this week asks the same question. "What is the difference between 'doing hard things' and just 'doing to much'?" they ask. Good question.

They point us to a series of Blog articles by C.J. Mahaney that begins with the following challenge:

Lazy? Not me. I’m busy. Up early, up late. My schedule is filled from beginning to end. I love what I do and I love getting stuff done. I attack a daily to-do list with the same intensity I play basketball. Me lazy? I don’t think so!

Or at least I didn’t think so. That is, until I read about the difference between busyness and fruitfulness, and realized just how often my busyness was an expression of laziness, not diligence.

I forget now who first brought these points to my attention. But the realization that I could be simultaneously busy and lazy, that I could be a hectic sluggard, that my busyness was no immunity from laziness, became a life-altering and work-altering insight. What I learned is that:

• Busyness does not mean I am diligent
• Busyness does not mean I am faithful
• Busyness does not mean I am fruitful

Recognizing the sin of procrastination, and broadening the definition to include busyness, has made a significant alteration in my life. The sluggard can be busy—busy neglecting the most important work, and busy knocking out a to-do list filled with tasks of secondary importance.

I am still chewing on these ideas, but I think a week away every once in a while - away from the busyness - to ponder the busyness - is a good thing.

Striving...

I'm up early this Sunday morning, the only one stirring in my quiet house. And during my Bible reading and prayerful contemplations, I've been having some more thoughts about "resolve" and the idea of "resolutions."

It is one of those times of the year, as the world prepares for "back to school," that new habits are being considered and new plans are being made (or not made).

I am becoming more and more convinced that it serves us ill indeed to live life in a willy-nilly, come-as-it-may fashion. I want to be deliberate. I want to set goals. I want to strive, whether I fail 'pretty-much-all-the-time' or only 'just-about-most-of-the-time.' It is in the striving, I think, that we engage our Master, who declares that we "can do all things through Him who gives us strength" (Philippians 4:13).

I came upon a link to a very old post of Brett Harris's (of The Rebelution fame) concerning his New Year's Resolutions from 2005. Bear in mind that he was, I assume, fourteen at the time of this composition. How many fourteen-year-olds do you know who are even thinking like this, let alone purposing with deliberation to try, with God's help and grace, to live this way?! This is not to praise Brett, but to praise the One who calls him - and us - to live boldly for Him in righteousness and faithfulness. We cannot shirk the call just because we know that in our human frailty we will fail. And we certainly mustn't shirk it in the name of "grace," using our desire not-to-attempt-to-earn-God's-favor-through-works as an excuse to keep us from ever doing those good works that were prepared beforehand for us to do...

Ephesians 2: 8-10: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And, hopefully, it is to praise the idea of thinking through what you hope to do - through Him, in Him, with Him - and setting out with purpose to do it.

Check out what young Jonathan Edwards declared when he was still a teenager concerning what he hoped to do and be as He walked with God.

What good works have You prepared in advance for me to do, Lord? May I embrace them with fervor, diligence, and joy!

(See some previous thoughts about resolutions and striving here and here.)

Living Life on Purpose

Well, we find ourselves inexplicably and unbelievably back at the NC shore for a short, two-day reprise. It turns out that there were a couple of unrented days at my parents' beach house, the last for this summer, so here we are again. Who could pass up the chance to grill Independence Day burgers in paradise?!

I've been contemplating Independence Day today. As a homeschooling family, we should be doing some sort of creative and memorable history lesson, I know, and, once again, we are simply celebrating like most everyone else does... grilling out, playing in the sun, hoping to catch some fireworks. And I've decided that's okay. It's hard to picture Ben Franklin or Thomas Jefferson catching some rays when there was so much world-changing to do, but we're blessedly and unexpectedly here, and it fits, and if my kids don't learn American history well enough on the other 364 days of the year, a quick-peek reiteration on July 4 isn't going to make much difference.

And so, really, what I've been contemplating while I've been here is the idea of resolve. Deliberateness. Living life with purpose. On purpose.

I've deliberately determined that, this year, there is no history lesson surrounding Independence Day. I'm okay with that. But I'm okay with it because I've decided it. I've thought it through and given it the attention such a decision deserves (at least to over-thinking homeschoolers who must turn every life experience into an opportunity for learning). It didn't just "happen that way," with me rolling along as life moves on without my thoughtful attention to decision-making.

I've been pondering - and observing from a distance - the person I've slowly become over the past decade or so of teaching that has taught me not to strive. Not to resolve. Not to "try harder," because that's not the way of the gospel. Hogwash. I'm not buying it.

The Year of Jubilee was God's idea. A fresh start. Things made right that had gotten out of whack. He came up with the Sabbath, for crying out loud. A weekly chance to cease from the relentless tyranny of the urgent and to rest. To reflect. To prayerfully ponder and purpose and contemplate. To pursue the Lord and His thoughts and His plans and His heart, and then to set forth on a fresh course for a fresh week with a fresh vision. "Be still and know that I am God," (Psalm 46:10).

And so, ironically, it is in the quiet of rest... in the deliberate pursuit of the Lord beyond the moment-by-moment "Yeah, yeah, I know He's with me always" and into the "Here I am to meet with You, Lord, and seek Your face" that He meets us with the still small voice of guidance, and asks of us the grit to get up and follow. "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it'," (Isaiah 30:21).

This I have lost. Daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly. I used to set goals at each of these built-in calendar-points. They are gifts from the Lord for such a purpose. He knows we need them, and so He gave them to us. A sunrise in the quiet morning hush. A mandated day of rest and worship and ceasing of tasks. The cool breeze and dead leaves of autumn. The stillness and cold of bare trees in winter. The spring-time bursting forth of fresh green and flowers and fragrance. The bountiful harvest and hot of summer.

I believe He expects us to use them. To walk with Him closely enough to consult Him and ask Him and listen and hear Him as He leads us on our way, through each day and week and month and season.

I used to deliberately meet with the Lord at these times, and set goals in line with what I felt Him telling me... weighty, lofty things I set down on paper and strove to achieve. I was "continuing to work out my salvation with fear and trembling," (Philippians 2:12). There was an appropriate amount of action and purpose to it.

I am finally beginning to wake up from the more recent hazy fog of purposelessness. From the lie that pursuing Him, in all His glory and omni-presence, is somehow mutually-exclusive from goal-setting... from striving... from resolve.

And so, I am considering the concept of resolutions... of "setting stakes," which I wrote about a few days ago. The Lord is faithfully shaking me from the stupor of lethargy and inaction that I have fallen into for who-knows-how-long. I am learning to love and embrace, rather than shun and scorn, the concept of resolve. Of grit. Of determination.

I'll let you know what I come up with - what He shows me in these glorious times together - but for now I've set two stakes in the ground... I'm shooting for six days a week with the "S's of exercise" (sixty, sixteen, or sex) and I'm no longer talking on a cell phone while driving.

Not much, really, but it takes time to get a herd of elephants off your back.

Check out some other thoughts about this same issue from a woman I don't know, but wish I did. Here is her blog post from six months ago. (Don't be fooled by the title). The Beehive: My Resolutions for 1997

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose," (Philippians 2:13).

Might as well be legally drunk?!

I just read an article summing up lots of research which indicates that talking on a cell phone while driving is the equivalent of driving with a .08 blood alcohol content (BAC). This is legally drunk in the United States (1), one of the more liberal countries in this regard, sharing the highest BAC limit to be considered legally drunk with a few other countries like Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, and the UK. (For many countries it is just .02 BAC to be considered legally drunk. A few countries, including Czech Republic and Hungary, have a legal BAC of .00! That means no alcohol allowed in your blood if you are driving!)

We all know that drunk driving kills. We all know that our reasoning abilities, response times, alertness, judgment, concentration, and coordination are impaired if we have been drinking. We may or may not further realize that our reflexes, depth perception, distance acuity, and peripheral vision are also affected (2), leading to a dramatic decrease in general safety behind the wheel. The crash risk is known to be about ten times higher with a BAC of .08 (3), which is the equivalent of talking on a cell phone while driving!

Apparently it isn't really the distraction of dialing or answering or holding the phone with only one hand free for driving. (These are practices I had stopped doing, for safety's sake, by having my passenger dial for me, and by using a hands-free device.) It seems that the research indicates that attention isn't really affected by merely listening to a speaker who is not present (i.e. the radio) nor by conversing with a speaker who is present (i.e. a passenger in the car with you), but that attention scores plummet when one is asked to converse with a speaker who is not present (i.e. the person at the other end of your cell phone call).

I guess I found my second stake. (See "Setting Stakes" on June 15.)

Setting Stakes

I remember reading an article once - years ago when I was a girl - entitled something along the lines of, "A Mom's Advice to Her Daughter Going Off to College." One thing I vaguely recall was something like, "Flossing works. But only if you do it. Like sit-ups, if you quit, the rot sets in." Or perhaps it was vice versa, but you get the idea.

"The rots sets in" quickly, too, I discovered this morning. Every year, when we gather here on the shores of NC for a family reunion, my sister and my father and I go walking early in the mornings before anyone else is up. Our husbands go jogging, and my sister and I take our dogs and our dad and go power walking. Well, that's what we usually do.

This year we did more "walking" and less "power." Why? Because I couldn't handle it... I couldn't keep pace with them, so I slowed them down. My younger sister has always been more sporty than I am, and she continues to work her body to keep it healthy and strong as she approaches forty. My father, although past sixty, has also kept himself extremely fit since his college football days. (He is the kids' official PE teacher, and he works them pretty much to death three days a week.)

Although Dad and I used to walk together every morning, this past year I bowed out in favor of some spiritual, mental, emotional, and practical preparation each weekday morning for the homeschool day ahead. Though this was very good for me in all of those many ways, apparently it wasn't so very good for my body. The "rot" has set in.

And so have about thirty extra pounds. Sometime over the past five years or so, I have slowly gained forty pounds, only ten of which I've managed to take back off. I still weigh about thirty pounds too much, though I'd be content to lose just ten or fifteen more, really. And why is that so difficult? Well, mostly because the things we know we should do in order to stay fit and trim, work, "but only if you do it."

For a variety of reasons I'm sure I'll explore and ponder more deeply as these next weeks go on, I have become a person who doesn't "set stakes in the ground." What do I mean by that? At the homeschool convention we went to, most all of the speakers we heard spoke of acting with purpose and deliberateness. This sort of decisive action has become all but absent in my life. Whether through bad theological teaching, or sound theology improperly understood and applied, or simply the laziness of the flesh, I have become a person who feels that I can't - or shouldn't - determine to do something simply because it should be done, and then set about doing it. This "grace, misunderstood and misapplied" mindset has resulted in a total transformation - and not for the better, either - of the person I tend to naturally be. I am now sometimes paralyzed to act, in ways that I know are good and beneficial and necessary in my life, for fear of being "legalistic" or "missing the grace."

So, whether it is the teaching itself that is just a little bit "off," or just my interpretations of what I think I'm hearing, I am determining to ignore the voices in my head that prevent me from doing so, and to set a few stakes in the ground. One speaker we heard in Richmond spoke of the time early in his life as a father that he vowed, both to God and to his family, "Every day, if (he was) in town and alive, (he was) leading family devotions." I'm sure he missed some days over the years. I'm sure on those days he was grateful for grace. I'm sure he understood that he was not acting in this manner to win God's favor or to earn His love; he simply wanted the blessings and benefits in his family commensurate with being in the Word together on a consistent basis. And I'm sure he got them, in large part because he set the stake in the ground, set the goal, fixed his eyes on the means of grace that would enable this benefit in his and his family's life.

I'm ready to do the same, no matter how many seemingly contradictory messages about "not trying harder" I hear in the meantime. I want to pursue Jesus, yes! I want to know Him more. I know that, "It is God who works in me both to will and to act according to His good purpose" (Philippians 2:13). But I'm ready to cooperate with His work in my heart and in my life with a little decisive action... a little "trying harder," if you will. I need His mercy every moment I fail, and I need it even more every time I succeed, but I'm ready to have it with me as I walk the road of some stakes in the ground.

The first one? I need to get back to some regular physical exercise in my life. This morning revealed to me just how detrimental my neglect of my body has been. I read somewhere about a study demonstrating that regular physical exercise is as effective as anti-depressant medications in treating symptoms of depression. It is no secret that excess weight is more easily controlled with regular exercise, and that people have significantly more energy for the tasks of the day with regular physical activity. Physical exercise reduces stress, the effects of which can be deadly on the body.

So, here's stake #1, established this cloudy Father's Day at the NC shore: Every day that I'm uninjured and alive, I will practice one of the three S's of exercise. Each day will contain either Sixty minutes of intense cardio activity, Sixteen minutes of targeted strength training for a particular part of the body, or Sex (which I will initiate at the end of the day, if one or the other of the other S's didn't happen).

Sounds like a plan... or at least a really great Father's Day gift!