Earning Screen Time

This post is unabashedly swiped--with permission, of course--from my friend Pam's blog.  The original post appeared on her blog exactly as it appears below.  This idea should be shared far and wide, I think, and I wish I'd had it eons ago!  We have had pretty much the same policies in our home, but without the signed contract, so the onus was on me to check every single time a request was made (or to remember to ask about every single thing, every single time a request for screen time was made).  This led to much more relational tension than necessary over every request and every infraction...and a lot of "flying under the radar" with screen time infractions that were a little too "gray" to catch every time. (I'm talking about you, Google searches--and YouTube viewings--during study time!)  Such a brilliant plan!  My friend Pam and her husband do most parenting things really, really well, and I just wish we were coming along behind them instead of their coming along behind us!  Such wisdom to glean from!  Here's her post:
 
During this month’s Moms’ Support Night for the homeschooling group of which I’m a part (Shout out to Homesteaders Homeschoolers! Woo hoo!), a few of us shared Top 10 Tips for organization and management of our own home schools.  One of the tips I shared was our family’s use of an “Earning Screen Time” contract.  For us, “screen time” involves any non-school/non-educational activities including TV shows, movies, games, televised sports events, videos, SportsCenter highlight clips on YouTube (which are extremely popular in our home!), etc. on any electronic screen such as iPad, iPod, DS, TV, laptop, or cell phone.  In order to earn one hour of screen time each day, our children must complete eight tasks, as listed on the contract.  Additionally, the contract delineates “infractions” that would lead to losing the very privilege of earning screen time — and we are sure to let our children know that it is a privilege indeed.  The happy results include more completed school work, more consistent quiet times with the Lord, neater bedrooms, and an overall cleaner house!
At the beginning of each school year, we update our contract, print it out on brightly colored (i.e., easily recognizable and grab-able in the event that we must point out an “infraction”), and have our children agree to it and sign it. I guess technically they could refuse to sign it and not ever earn screen time, but that is highly unlikely with our brood.  Once the contracts are signed, I place them in plastic page protectors and hang them prominently on our school room’s white board so they are super handy — just in case!

A few Homesteaders moms asked if I would share the contract, and, of course, I’m delighted to do so. So here it is!  It appears below, or you may use this Word document which would allow you to make changes as appropriate for your own family: Earning Screen Time 2013  I wish you much success with it. But please just promise not to tell your kids that I gave you the idea! :)

Handling Facebook

Well, this post started out as a "comment" to a friend's Facebook post, but it was just getting way too long and philosophical for that venue, so I've moved it here.  It was in response to her announcement that she was taking a three-month break from Facebook, starting tomorrow, because she's been "convicted about being addicted to Facebook and the fact that it's becoming an idol in (her) life."  If this post seems a little like I'm talking to you directly, it is because I am writing with a desire to address this particular friend and her struggle.  (It is also particularly timely, in that I have just recently--reluctantly--allowed my 14-year-old son get his own Facebook account.  I am always seeking to help both him and his 16-year-old sister to navigate this world of electronic communication and social networking with responsibility and wisdom.)

First of all, far be it from me to ever step in the path of someone who is genuinely feeling convicted about the need to cease something, and then try to talk them into continuing it!  So, if you are truly feeling the conviction of the Holy Spirit in some arena (including this one), and the Lord is telling you that it is time for you to stop doing something (even if it is something permissible and fine, biblically), then you should stop doing it.  Period.

BUT, [as Pee-wee Herman used to say, "Everybody's got a big 'but'..."], if you are just feeling godly disappointment in the fact that Facebook (or watching television, or playing video games, or surfing the web, or one of any number of other potentially addictive things of this nature) has somehow come to take up too much of your time and affections--and you don't quite know how to get a handle it or what to do about it, so you're just quitting cold turkey out of desperation--then I offer the following thoughts.

(And know that I do so very reluctantly, because I do agree that our spending time with machines instead of with people--and, even more significantly, with the Lord--is a major problem facing all of us alive today.  Most all of us could use less "electronics times" than we currently allow ourselves!  [See this post for my thoughts--and some sobering statistics--about this problem.]  That said, however...)

It is a fact--and I am accepting this reluctantly, I might add--that social networking sites like Facebook (and texting, which--grrrr---isn't free!) are the primary ways in which younger generations are communicating these days.  I'm not sure how or when we got to the place where calling on a cell phone (let alone a landline!) or sending an email (let alone postal mail!) were passé forms of keeping in touch, but we're there. Of course they're still in use, but they are not the primary way that Generation Y keeps in touch.  Younger folks don't know how to "do relationship" in deep, meaningful, face-to-face ways, until they encounter it and learn it from some folks who have already learned it, committed to it, and shared it.  I have young friends who tell me that their peers are upset with them if they call rather than text to invite them somewhere--their friends don't want to have to respond to the invitation "live" on the phone (let alone in person!).  Is this resulting in people who don't know how to do relationship very well?  Absolutely!  But that is where we are, and we have to learn to make concerted efforts to join with the trend in redemptive ways. 

So, if your Facebook habits and affections have gotten out of proportion to what constitutes healthy time management--or if you just want to ensure that they never do--perhaps some self-control parameters are in order.  You can take it or leave it, or modify it to suit your life, but here's what I do to keep it--Facebook specifically--manageable in my life.

First of all, if spending too much time in chat has been--or you think it will be--a problem for you, turn it off.  Under options, "go offline."  This will keep you from getting sucked into conversations with people who are just killing time when you don't have time to kill.  If they really want to talk to you, they'll contact you some other way.

Second, if gaming has been a problem for you--or if you fear it might become one--turn it off.  I never got caught up in Facebook gaming, but--if the notifications I read when I'm in Facebook are any indication--many a friend has gotten very caught up in Farmville and Mafia Wars and the like!  If this has become problematic for you, time-wise, turn it off, or at least turn off notifications about the game, which will keep you from being forced into dealing with it unless you've specifically chosen to get online in order to play Facebook games for a few minutes.  Then you can deal with whatever has transpired since your last time playing.

After those two basic things have been taken care of--really only helpful if chatting and gaming, specifically, have been problems for you--then you get to the main strategies for handling Facebook time management.  First, be sure you're signed up to receive notifications of all Facebook activity and correspondence at your email account.  Then, choose only to get on Facebook when you get notice of something.  This takes away the obsessive feeling that sometimes develops--like you have to "know everything" and "keep up with all the news" about everyone--by keeping you off of Facebook most of the time.  Being on there a lot is what feeds the need to be on there even more... that itching feeling you develop to "check and see what's happening" with everyone.  (Young people especially--by which I mean anyone between the ages of about 12 to 35--seem to have a major problem with this aspect of things: the constant need for the moment-by-moment notifications that beep on their smartphones...)

Next, when you get there--and remember, you've only gotten onto Facebook because you've gotten an email notification about something needing your attention--then allow yourself to read one page of "top news" (the page you landed on) and one page of "most recent" posts.  Don't allow yourself to click to "older posts" in either venue.  Yes, you will "miss" a lot of things--I have missed finding out that a distant friend had a baby until the kid was like two or something!--but most of the important things will get through. That takes less than one minute to accomplish, and it is a built-in time limit.

After you do that, quickly handle whatever situation it was that brought you to Facebook in the first place.  Reply to the note, answer the friend request, look at the tagged photo--whatever thing it was you received the email notification about--and then get off.  You've already read your two allowable pages of notices and updates.  You're done.  You will have spent less than five minutes doing all of this.  Now get on with life.

For the other stuff--if you choose to allow yourself to go beyond the above parameters--impose "limits" like you will likely one day have to do with your kids.  For example, "I will spend only XX minutes a day browsing Facebook."  (You decide what's reasonable.  For my kids who have Facebook, it is 20 minutes--and only if all their work and chores are done first!)  A word to the wise: set a timer for this, or you'll lose track of time!  And the timer keeps it deliberate.  When you cross out of the limiting parameters stated above, only do so with full intention, and with the accountability of your timer.)  Another option: "I will only allow Facebook on weekends," and only for a certain amount of predetermined time.  (For our family, this is never more than an hour, and we're not like clockwork with it, either!)

Of course, you know yourself, so if you're really having trouble with it, and it isn't edifying in any way, by all means--just like anything else in your life like this--stop it!  [We don't watch TV for these reasons.]

But I am struck by the fact that in just the last week, my friend who is considering quitting Facebook would have missed the blessing of receiving the gift of a camera if she hadn't had it.  (And it is interesting to note that the friend who had discovered her lack of one--and was blessed to be able to give her this gift--found out about the need on Facebook, even while living within the above-mentioned limiting parameters and restrictions regarding its use.)

When I got on Facebook this morning, in response to a notification that I'd been tagged in a photo, I read my one page of "top news."  On it, I saw a quick comment from this friend who is considering quitting Facebook, on the Wall of a mutual friend who is in the hospital, that she was praying for her.  If she hadn't had Facebook, she wouldn't have known of our friend's hospitalization, and she would not have been praying.    [Of course, I recognize the fact that--using these parameters I've suggested--any of us might not have found out about x, y, or z on any given day.  That's okay.  We are not going to be able to know about everything that happens in the lives of hundreds of people, and still manage our own!!]

My suggestion in this regard: pray about it.  Yes, pray about Facebook!  And I don't just mean about the decisions regarding the parameters you'll put in place for its use, either.  I mean about each individual Facebook experience.

Before you get on--for anything outside the first parameters mentioned above, such as browsing around status updates using the "time limit" approach--pray that the Lord would bless your time there, and that He would use it to bless you and others in relationship.  He will lead you to the things you need to see, and it can be a rich time, relationally.

This practice of mine is similar to the practice of the "yard sale prayer list," which I've employed for many years now.  When we really need/want something, but it is just too expensive to go out and buy, I will mentally put it on my "yard sale prayer list" and ask the Lord to provide it in some other way.  I have literally furnished our home, clothed my family, and provided for our life in this way.  He ALWAYS provides the things I pray for in this way in some astonishing, very-cheap-to-free sort of ways: sometimes someone gives it to us; sometimes I find it at a yard sale, or a thrift store, or an amazing retail sale.

At any rate, He can do the same for your Facebook time, if you will take it to Him.  I ask Him to--and firmly believe that He does--lead me to just the things I need to see and know about on Facebook, whenever I go on.  I also ask Him to keep me from the things I shouldn't know about, things that might negatively affect my opinion of someone or lead me to some unfair conclusions about them.  And He directs me in how--and when, and if--to respond with my time in relationship with the things I find there.

So, if you can bring yourself to exercise self-discipline in its use, I do believe that Facebook can be a wonderful tool the Lord uses to bless you, and to bless others through you.  Like most things, however, it can also be a strangling noose around your spiritual neck--if not properly controlled and curtailed--and so I pray for great wisdom and discernment for you (as I do for myself and for my children) as you follow the Lord's leading in its use.

Do we really have time not to?

As my kids have gotten older and their scholastic workloads have gotten heavier, it has gotten increasingly difficult to fit into their homeschool days all the things I want them to be able to do. I have long said that overworking our students is a notorious problem of us homeschoolers, who don't have the built-in parameters and time limits of the typical public or private school day.

Even if you get special permission from the school for your child to skip lunch ("Now that's a healthy practice for efficient learning," she says sarcastically), high school students these days typically can only fit in between five and six courses per year, no matter how full they stuff their schedules. Once you've covered the "requisite four" of English/language arts, math, science, and history/social studies, this leaves only 1-2 spots for electives. All electives.

The foreign language required for 2-3 years to be able to graduate, and recommended for 4-5 years for college-bound students, usually takes spot five. This typically leaves one more spot, if you're not willing to stop eating lunch in order to take more classes.

One more spot. One.

Band? Art? Drama? Chorus? Home economics or "shop" (insert whatever PC terms they're using in any given year for these decidedly non-PC, old-school names)? How about the less traditional, specialized electives like marketing? fashion design? The specialized academies like the School for the Arts? legal academy? math and science academy? international baccalaureate programs? AP coursework? Dual-enrollment?

It is enough to make your head spin. And there aren't enough hours in the public school day to fit in all the things you might want to study. (As I said earlier, we homeschoolers have to make sure we don't overload our students, who have more scholastic time on their hands during our time-efficient days and who have no built-in parameters as to the number of courses they may take in a given year! But that is a subject for another post.)

This post is about the not-so-obvious omission from the list... so neglected these days by most high school students as to be completely void from most teens' scholastic days... Did you even notice its absence? PE. Physical education. Getting outside. "Working out."

These things are known to be crucial to our health, both physically and emotionally. They strengthen our bodies and our minds. They help us burn stress. They help us think better.

And yet they've been entirely eliminated from most high school students' days. They are no longer "required" subjects, and as such are not taken. Who has time with all those other things scrambling for the spot?

I just read an interesting article that has me thankful that my kids are still overloaded with PE in their days. Their grandfather, a real workout buff even in his sixties, faithfully comes over three times a week and works them out, hard, for about an hour. Recently I've pledged to join them. Why? Because as much as I've thought I need the time that they're occupied elsewhere for my teaching and housekeeping duties, I need the physical activity more. Just like they do, I need to burn some calories and stress and get moving in order to be more productive and fruitful throughout the rest of my day.

The next question raised by this article is whether we need to move it earlier in our day...

Turning off the dumb Wii...

I have kids on vacation who have no schoolwork to do and have already completed their "life grids" for today. Does this mean they're curled up reading a book? Listening to Christmas carols? Walking their new dog? Baking Christmas cookies? Playing a board game?

Nope... they're playing on the Wii the dumbest game I've ever seen.

"Well, at least they're spending some time together," you might suggest. Nope again, unless you count fighting as time spent together. It is a one-person game they're playing, and the best you can do is sit around and watch, bossing your sibling around while she tries to take her turn.

I think the ol' Grandpa had the right idea!

Christmas Eve, Unplugged

'Twas the night before Christmas and out on the ranch
The pond was froze over and so was the branch.
The snow was piled up belly-deep to a mule.
The kids were all home on vacation from school.
And happier young folks you never did see
Just all sprawled around a-watchin' TV .
Then suddenly, some time around 8 o'clock,
There came a surprise that gave them a shock!
The power went off, the TV went dead!
When Grandpa came in from out in the shed
With an armload of wood, the house was all dark.
"Just what I expected," they heard him remark.
"Them power line wires must be down from the snow.
Seems sorter like times on the ranch long ago."

"I'll hunt up some candles," said Mom. "With their light,
And the fireplace, I reckon we'll make out all right."
The teen-agers all seemed enveloped in gloom.
Then Grandpa came back from a trip to his room,
Uncased his old fiddle and started to play
That old Christmas song about bells on a sleigh.
Mom started to sing, and first thing they knew
Both Pop and the kids were all singing it, too.
They sang Christmas carols, they sang "Holy Night,"
Their eyes all a-shine in the ruddy firelight.
They played some charades Mom recalled from her youth,
And Pop read a passage from God's Book of Truth.
They stayed up till midnight - and, would you believe,
The youngsters agreed 'twas a fine Christmas Eve.
Grandpa rose early, some time before dawn;
And when the kids wakened, the power was on.
"The power company sure got the line repaired quick,"
Said Grandpa - and no one suspected his trick.
Last night, for the sake of some old-fashioned fun,
He had pulled the main switch - the old Son-of-a-Gun!

"Who owns your children?"

A recent news story about homeschooling from my friend Dale Hurd, a reporter with CBN News, has my blood boiling.

The reality that children are being seized from loving, exemplary parents simply because those parents have chosen to educate them at home is appalling. To hear the terrified screams and cries of little 7-year-old Dan Schultz as he is forcibly removed from his bed and home in the middle of the night is shocking... disturbing... sobering...



(I just keep hearing the voice of the little twit in Steven Crowder's video - you know, the one who can't name the Vice-President of the United States - announcing, "I don't like America. I'm from America, but I don't like America. I'm moving to London.")

This idea that to be a "progressive society" means that the State takes over the lives and education of its children - with little or no regard for parental rights - is no longer just a European idea.

Consider the words of the current United States Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, who believes that "the more our schools truly become the centers of the community, centers of family life, the better our children can do." He envisions "pushing innovation, pushing change," where schools are open "twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours a day, six or seven days a week, twelve months a year."

Why? Because, "Our society has changed, and our schools have not really kept pace." He acknowledges - and he's right - that the days of kids coming home from school at 2:30, to a mother at home and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, are largely over. He is correct when he acknowledges that the typical American school child is currently "going home to almost no-parent families." Dad is at work. So is Mom. She has been since he was six-weeks old.

I just missed when we started calling this good. acceptable. ideal.

When did it become the government's responsibility to raise our children for us?

As you evaluate the merits of his plans for American schools (which include things like onsite provision of three meals a day, onsite provision of dental and medical care, and onsite provision of vision care and eyeglasses for students), consider his own track record of success as CEO of Chicago's public schools. Even taking into account a controversial change in testing methodology which experts have claimed "significantly inflated test scores," fewer than half of all Chicago elementary and middle school students met or exceeded state standards during his years of leadership. This means that for all the money he poured into it (an astonishing average of nearly $11,000 per pupil), fewer than one in every two Chicago students can read on grade level. Or write on grade level. Or perform math on grade level. Or demonstrate understanding of science on grade level.

His assessment of the situation? "The money I spent to open our schools longer in Chicago is arguably the best money I spent."



"This needs to be the norm, not the exception," he has said when referencing this proposed near-24-hour-a-day oversight of children, in all areas of life, by schools.

Sounds like he's following the battle plan of Adolf Hitler, who noted, "When an opponent declares, 'I will not come over to your side,' I calmly say, 'Your child belongs to us already... What are you? You will pass on. Your descendants, however, now stand in the new camp. In a short time they will know nothing else but this new community.'*

*From a speech given by Adolf Hitler in November 1933, quoted in The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer

He said some pretty great stuff...

President Obama addressed the nation's school children today. All the indignation and hoopla and protest were undeserved. He said some pretty inspirational things to the youth of America.

(You can read a transcript of the entire speech here.)

"I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year. Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.

"I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn. I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.

"But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world - and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities.

"Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.

"Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

"That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as...

"Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

"That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, 'I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.' These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time.

"If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

"No one’s born being good at things; you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

"Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.

"So find an adult you trust - a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor - and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

"So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

"Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions.... But you’ve got to do your part, too.

"So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you.

"So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

"Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America."

Cell Phone Cheating

Reason I Love Homeschooling #723: Your students actually learn the material, do the work, write their own papers, and take their own tests.

Here are some not-so-surprising results from a Common Sense Media poll, released on June 18, 2009:

(The survey was commissioned by the San Francisco non-profit group Common Sense Media and was conducted by The Benensen Strategy Group. The national survey studied 1,013 middle- and high school students from around the country.)

• 83% of 1,013 teens surveyed had a cell phone.
• Teens with cell phones send 440 texts a week on average, with 110 occurring in the classroom.
• Nearly two-thirds of students with cell phones (65%) use them during school, regardless of school policies against it.

• 35% admitted to cheating in school using the phones.
• 65% said others in school cheat with them.

• Even so, 23% feel that storing notes on a cell phone for use during a test is NOT cheating. Less than half (only 41%) believe this to be cheating.
  
• 20% said texting friends on the cell phone about answers during a test is NOT cheating, while still less than half (45% ) say it is.

One could wonder exactly what they were admitting when they did confess to cheating with their cell phones (which more than 1 in 3 did), if texting answers to friends or retrieving stored answers from your phone is not considered cheating!

(Remember our former president who "Did not have sexual relations with that woman?!" Our students are learning well the lessons of semantics, splitting hairs, redefining terms, and engaging-in-whatever-behavior-you-want because it's-nobody's-business-but-your-own and everyone's-doing-it.)

Here's to students who are still allowed to be told that certain things are right and that other things are wrong... who understand what cheating is... who are excited about learning and want to expand their knowledge... whose teacher knows if they know the answer or not...

Is homeschooling "old-fashioned"? You betcha: the students don't use cell phones (or anything else) to cheat on their tests. They actually just learn the stuff. What a novel idea.

A Different Kind of Tweeting

From John Piper, the man I most trust on the planet right now to engage and study the Scriptures with integrity and then share what he finds with boldness... noted theologian, prolific author, pastor of preaching and teaching at Bethlehem Baptist in Minneapolis:

I see two kinds of response to social Internet media like blogging, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, and others.

One says: These media tend to shorten attention spans, weaken discursive reasoning, lure people away from Scripture and prayer, disembody relationships, feed the fires of narcissism, cater to the craving for attention, fill the world with drivel, shrink the soul’s capacity for greatness, and make us second-handers who comment on life when we ought to be living it. So boycott them and write books (not blogs) about the problem.

The other response says: Yes, there is truth in all of that, but instead of boycotting, try to fill these media with as much provocative, reasonable, Bible-saturated, prayerful, relational, Christ-exalting, truth-driven, serious, creative pointers to true greatness as you can.

Together with the team at Desiring God, I lean toward response #2. “Lean” is different from “leap.” We are aware that the medium tends to shape the message. This has been true, more or less, with every new medium that has come along—speech, drawing, handwriting, print, books, magazines, newspapers, tracts, 16mm home movies, flannel-graph, Cinerama, movies, Gospel Blimps, TV, radio, cassette tapes, 8-Tracks, blackboards, whiteboards, overhead projection, PowerPoint, skits, drama, banners, CDs, MP3s, sky-writing, video, texting, blogging, tweeting, Mina-Bird-training, etc.

Dangers, dangers everywhere. Yes. But it seems to us that aggressive efforts to saturate a media with the supremacy of God, the truth of Scripture, the glory of Christ, the joy of the gospel, the insanity of sin, and the radical nature of Christian living is a good choice for some Christians. Not all. Everyone should abstain from some of these media. For example, we don’t have a television.

That’s my general disposition toward media.

Now what about Twitter? I find Twitter to be a kind of taunt: “Okay, truth-lover, see what you can do with 140 characters! You say your mission is to spread a passion for the supremacy of God in all things! Well, this is one of those ‘all things.’ Can you magnify Christ with this thimble-full of letters?”

To which I respond:

The sovereign Lord of the earth and sky
Puts camels through a needle’s eye.
And if his wisdom see it mete,
He will put worlds inside a tweet.

So I am not inclined to tweet that at 10AM the cat pulled the curtains down. But it might remind me that the Lion of Judah will roll up the heavens like a garment, and blow out the sun like a candle, because he just turned the light on. That tweet might distract someone from pornography and make them look up.

I’ve been tweeting anonymously for a month mainly to test its spiritual and family effects on me. In spite of all the dangers, it seems like a risk worth taking. “All things were created through Christ and for Christ” (Colossians 1:16). The world does not know it, but that is why Twitter exists and that’s why I Tweet.

By his grace and for his glory,

Pastor John
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2009/3951_Why_and_How_I_Am_Tweeting/

And so I am reminded again that the Lord is about the business of redemption, and that moving into things with deliberateness and purpose, for His glory, is possible. But it isn't easy. And it isn't common.

Here's to being uncommon...

Telling Statistics

Just how secular is the American university system?

The following statistics from the North American Academic Study Survey make the trends in higher-education faculty very evident:

* 72% of college faculty members call themselves liberal (Just 15% are conservative.)
* 87% of faculty at elite universities call themselves liberal (Just 13% are conservative.)
* 51% say they rarely or never attend church or synagogue services
* 67% believe homosexuality is acceptable
* 84% are pro-abortion
* 88% want more environmental protection
* 65% want the government to ensure full employment

Imperishable Beauty

"But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to the one through whom the stumbling block comes!" Matt. 18:6-7

Well, this should be an interesting post. It is about modesty. And the heart. And about how the former tends to reveal the latter... and the latter should inform the former.

This year I am teaching at a homeschool enrichment program. Homeschooled children of all ages interact within a collegiate-style academic and arts setting two days a week. It is a wonderful program. It is filled with wonderful kids. They are all kids whose parents, at least, are professing Christians.

But, as with all gathered groups of young people, sometimes some behavioral concerns present themselves. The newest thing that we as faculty are encountering is a problem with a few of the young girls refusing to dress modestly.

Now understand, we're not trying to legislate peoples' behaviors outside of our academic setting. We have no desire to instill an attitude of legalism regarding clothing. We are not asking for conservative, plain Jane dressing... or only skirts... or neck-to-ankle coverage. We're just asking girls to keep all their parts that begin with "B" covered while they're in class. We're trying to maintain an appropriate learning environment without "boobs, butt, and belly" as distractions for other students.

[This, of course, is not part of any official stance by the organization! It is my own language, borrowed from a dear young woman who lived with us for a brief time before her baby was born. She was later working at a Christian summer camp, and that is what she told the young girls under her charge: "I don't want to see any of your parts that begin with B!" She spoke with a uniquely pointed perspective as a young Christian woman who had fallen into sexual sin in high school, and was now interested in influencing other young Christian women toward chastity and purity.]

But what she sometimes discovered then (and what we're discovering now) is the age-old truth... you can't legislate the heart. And so it is with a mix of sadness and hope that we seek rather to influence the heart, so that the behavior will change itself. (That, and a cover-up t-shirt in the meantime.)

In our own family, we have found a couple of very useful resources for those seeking to dress with appropriate, loving, considerate modesty. If you want to "check your heart" regarding this issue, we suggest reading The Modesty Heart Check. From within that article, you can link to a very helpful "checklist" about specific things to check - with regards to your clothing - before leaving the house each day. For a very helpful (and specific) indicator of what clothing tends to make young (and older!) men stumble, you can read The Modesty Survey.

Of course, all of these should be approached as resources, not as a list of rules. Our family has found them very helpful as we seek to faithfully pursue the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4), to let our good works outshine our outward appearance (1 Timothy 2:10), and to dress for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).

After all, modesty is - first and foremost - a matter of the heart, not the wardrobe.*

* The language of the last two paragraphs is borrowed from The Modesty Survey.

Homeschooling Works

I just read an op-ed article in the Washington Times about the success of homeschooling.

This is the positive way to state the obvious corollary, which is that it is also an article about the failure of the nation's public and private schools to adequately educate their students.

"Researchers surveyed thousands of freshmen and seniors to measure their knowledge of America's history, government, economics, and international relations. The students - even the seniors - failed by astounding margins." This according to Michael Farris, president of Patrick Henry College, the school whose freshman students (80% of whom were homeschooled) outperformed all others, including those at every Ivy League school surveyed. (These included Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Cornell, Duke, and our own UVA.) In fact, the average score of the Patrick Henry freshman was greater than that of the average Ivy League graduating senior. (See here.)

According to HSLDA President J. Michael Smith, author of the Op-Ed piece, "The test results do show clearly what happens when you compare the best with the best: The best homeschooled students systematically outperform the best non-homeschooled students. This success did not happen automatically. It happened because tens of thousands of dedicated parents made tremendous sacrifices to educate their children."

You can read an ad-free version of the full Washington Times article here, from the HSLDA website.

"...and the fruit of the womb is his reward..." (Psalm 127:3)

I have to share with you a letter I received from a dear friend this morning.

Although it was sent yesterday, it arrived in my inbox within an hour of a significant conversation with my husband this morning regarding a decision about whether or not to continue/resume using birth control. I believe it was a direct answer to a prayer for guidance and direction. It comes as confirmation of our hearts' desire, though we know that our extended families and most of the friends around us don't agree with or even understand our choice.

As we have sought to allow the Lord to bless our family with another child, I have experienced at least four miscarriages over the past two years. Concerned that a hormonal imbalance or some other physical problem with my body might be causing these babies to die, we made a choice several months ago to resume using birth control while I underwent thorough testing to be sure I was not chemically or hormonally "off" in a significant health-related way.

Well, those test results are all in, and they reveal that there is nothing wrong with my body beyond the "old eggs" (and the commensurate increased chance of genetic defects in the babies created from them) expected in a woman over the age of 40.

This has, of course, thrown us into quite a decision-making process. We have had to wrestle significantly with many serious things, including our thoughts about God's sovereignty, about His heart regarding families and children, and about our perceived "right" to orchestrate matters of life and conception.

Additionally, we have come to recognize over the past few years that sex is better without birth control, not only physically but emotionally and relationally. We have always been unwilling to utilize any forms of birth control that are abortifacient, including the IUD and oral birth control pills, because we've been unwilling to create and then destroy babies. We have, however, utilized various "barrier methods" of birth control at various times in our marriage. And we have increasingly become convicted that they are just that... a barrier. They are a barrier to the full physical pleasure God intends for us. They are a barrier to spontaneity. They are a barrier, for us, to full emotional engagement and complete unity. And they are a barrier to receiving the gift of children, which God - in the Scriptures - always and unequivocally calls "blessings."

And so, after our final doctor appointment, we fell into a quandry. Do we continue to use the birth control we began using during the testing, in light of the information revealed? We have come to despise it, for the reasons listed above, and yet we have had to process and engage a great many things since we have received the test results. We have had to think about the toll of repeated miscarriage on a woman's body... about the possibility of Down's syndrome or other genetic abnormalities... about "imperfect children" and how we'd feel about having one... about the reality of having a child who spends his last decade at home with really old parents, without brothers or sisters...

We have had to acknowledge our growing convictions against birth control, our heightened hopes regarding the possibility of another child in our family, and our fears regarding repeated miscarriage and genetic abnormalities. We have gone round and round and round, and we finally desperately asked the Lord for His wisdom and guidance in these matters.

That was early this morning. Within an hour, I found the following letter in my inbox:

Happy Sunday, friends and family, I chose each of you to receive this e-mail for the role you have played in our family and vision for family. We have been burdened lately about what to think about family and missions. We have beloved friends who are convicted to limit their children to a minimum in order to tread lightly on the earth and have more room to adopt the "unwanted." We love and respect them. Among them is a dynamic couple doing Christian environmental work in Africa. We also have beloved friends who believe their responsibility is to have as many children as God will give them. We love and respect them. Among them is a couple who serves in Darfur. They have lost 3 children in a year, one of which was almost term and was lost after she was beaten up while on a walk in Kartoom. Their missionary team-mates have told them that their kids and lost pregnancies are a drag on the ministry and team. As we prepare for number 4, we have been torn about how to view children and our future as missionary servants. With details still to work out, we have been rescued by a painfully direct sermon by African-American Southern Baptist pastor Voddie Baucham. I wanted to share this with each of you and thank you for your role in helping us see all sides of this wonderful and sobering issue. Please listen and comment. We are listening, too, and have much yet to learn about being and becoming parents.

And so I post it here for you, too. It has challenged and convicted and moved and encouraged us in a variety of arenas. It speaks about the concept of contemporary "youth ministry" as well as to various parenting issues. I would value your thoughts as you listen, as well.

The Centrality of the Home by Voddie Baucham.

"Taking Slackers to Task"

An interview in Christianity Today with Alex and Brett Harris...

For a much-needed break from posts about nothing but politics!

Back to School

I don't really know what I want to say in this post. I don't know where to begin, or even what to say, really, regarding a phenomenon that takes me by surprise every September. As a homeschooling family, we don't experience this regularly, but even the year I had some of my kids in public school, I didn't relate.

To what, you ask? To this nearly universal collective parental cry of, "Hooray - the kids are gone all day again!" It seems to me - given the many, many casual comments and Facebook posts and sermon jokes and the like - that most parents absolutely couldn't wait to see their kids back to spending the majority of their time elsewhere than in their presence. What's up with that?

I remember hearing a pastor giving a talk about "child training" once, and his challenge to us parents was, "Train them until you want to be with them." In other words, how kids turn out... and how much we (and other adults) enjoy being with them and spending time with them and having them with us as we socialize and do life... is dependent on our training them to be worth being around.

So, anyway, we are "back to school" now, too. And I, for one, am glad that this does NOT mean that my kids are now gone all day.

Striving...

I'm up early this Sunday morning, the only one stirring in my quiet house. And during my Bible reading and prayerful contemplations, I've been having some more thoughts about "resolve" and the idea of "resolutions."

It is one of those times of the year, as the world prepares for "back to school," that new habits are being considered and new plans are being made (or not made).

I am becoming more and more convinced that it serves us ill indeed to live life in a willy-nilly, come-as-it-may fashion. I want to be deliberate. I want to set goals. I want to strive, whether I fail 'pretty-much-all-the-time' or only 'just-about-most-of-the-time.' It is in the striving, I think, that we engage our Master, who declares that we "can do all things through Him who gives us strength" (Philippians 4:13).

I came upon a link to a very old post of Brett Harris's (of The Rebelution fame) concerning his New Year's Resolutions from 2005. Bear in mind that he was, I assume, fourteen at the time of this composition. How many fourteen-year-olds do you know who are even thinking like this, let alone purposing with deliberation to try, with God's help and grace, to live this way?! This is not to praise Brett, but to praise the One who calls him - and us - to live boldly for Him in righteousness and faithfulness. We cannot shirk the call just because we know that in our human frailty we will fail. And we certainly mustn't shirk it in the name of "grace," using our desire not-to-attempt-to-earn-God's-favor-through-works as an excuse to keep us from ever doing those good works that were prepared beforehand for us to do...

Ephesians 2: 8-10: For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

And, hopefully, it is to praise the idea of thinking through what you hope to do - through Him, in Him, with Him - and setting out with purpose to do it.

Check out what young Jonathan Edwards declared when he was still a teenager concerning what he hoped to do and be as He walked with God.

What good works have You prepared in advance for me to do, Lord? May I embrace them with fervor, diligence, and joy!

(See some previous thoughts about resolutions and striving here and here.)

To read or not to read, that is the question...

This morning I received a transcript of an audio program extolling the benefits of family reading. I love what they had to say, because I believe it to be so true. We have been doing this right before bed since our first child was born. Reading her a bedtime story just shifted into "family read-aloud" when she got old enough to handle following "chapter books" by making it from one night to the next. We started reading a chapter a night when she was two years old, but I'm sure we could have started even sooner. Her younger brother was a baby at the time, and he (and his subsequent siblings) sat in on it every night even of their infant lives.

(This is the son who went on to read Tolkien's entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, independently and with full comprehension, when he was five years old - but that is another story for another time.)

The speaker is author Richard Grant:

You know, Mike, what we actually do is what is actually important to us. The biggest thing to free up time for reading would be for parents to set reading as a high priority, and then do it. We spend time on Little League, ballet lessons, all kinds of good things, but few of those activities are going to impact our kids as profitably as reading. How many of our kids are really going to be pro ball players or ballerinas? Not many. But they all need to be good readers. So parents can set reading higher on their list of things to do.

Another thing they can do is turn off that TV. It consumes us. Turn it off! There are a whole lot more good books than there are good TV shows.

Also, a busy homeschool mom can add recreational reading to her daily routine. Every day she can schedule a time when everyone, including herself, gets a specific number of minutes to read quietly. I call this USSR: uninterrupted silent sustained reading. No phone calls, no chores, no answering the door. Just reading. Reading like this can be an oasis in an otherwise hectic homeschool day.

What a great idea about the USSR! Our homeschool day requires this kind of silent reading of each of our children, but how fun to work it in so that occasionally you're doing it simultaneously. I'm sure it is encouraging to the younger ones to see all the older ones in the family (including their parents) reading at the same time they are.

In an era when one in four Americans has not read a single book during the past year, we can make a significant difference in whether our children fritter away their lives in front of a moving screen, or become the lifelong learners that those who love to read are destined to be. (Here's a hint: as long as the addictive flickering screen is an option, they'll never choose the book. Or much of anything else, for that matter.)

Anyway, happy reading!

Glued to the Tube

Last thing last night before I went to bed, and first thing this morning after I got up, I was struck with the same thing. As a nation, we are addicted to television. Besides the obvious family example going on around me within this beach house (which has been rather mild this week, actually), I've seen the evidence first-hand all around us this week... especially in the late night and early morning hours of semi-darkness.

At night, when we go outside to walk the dog before turning in or to take in one last view of the beach before heading to bed, all around us are larger-than-life big screen televisions showing through the windows of the beach houses surrounding us. These large windows, left unadorned with shades to allow for the magnificent beach views during the day, also allow a clear view into the house after dark, demonstrating what must be nearly every family's evening activity. (Including ours, occasionally... the movie the kids have been begging to watch for the past three days, we watched together last night before bed.)

This is not new information to me. I have known that most everyone I know watches hours of television every day, back home. What has newly struck me here is how much it is true even when they're staying in paradise. (Everything around us is more beautiful and peaceful, and yet many ignore it in favor of the frantic and mindless experience of the usual television fare.)

I'm also amazed at how it is true around the clock. When we walk up from the beach to shower and make dinner, the TV's are going in all the beach houses we pass on the way. When we head out for a walk or bike ride after dinner, the televisions all around the neighborhood are going. When we walk the dog before bed, they're going. If I get up in the middle of the night to stumble to the bathroom, they're going. And when I get up just after sunrise to go walking, they're going.

The images are frantic... hectic... frenzied... When you stand outside of the experience, viewing it minus the sound, it strikes you just how frenetic and chaotic and dizzying the flashing of the images is.

No wonder the average kid has no attention span, no ability to sit still and listen to a normal message delivered in a normal tone of voice in a normal setting. He's been conditioned - since his parents put him in front of "children's educational programming" in infancy - to expect a visual change every second or two, having actually had his brain rewired in the process to be unable to attend to things that happen in "real time." (See here, or here, or here, just the first 3 of 12,300,000 results I got when I googled 'television bad for children.' When I googled 'television good for children,' I got "only" 243,000,000 entries, but it is worth noting that each of these - if the first ten I looked at are any indication - all depend on making the experience good by carefully choosing the programming, watching the show with your children, discussing what they've seen with them, etc.)

I would assume, however, that this is not what's happening during the eight hours and fourteen minutes average that the television set is on each day in the typical American household. This staggering figure doesn't include any of the time that the average American child spends playing computer and video games, which - according to research published in the Science Digest Journal of Pediatrics - has surpassed television viewing.

Yeah, and they also spend hours with earplugs in their ears listening to music; and hours surfing the web; and hours sending IM and text messages to their peers, about their peers. "According to figures released by the National Statistical Office on Wednesday, teenagers between 15 and 19 on average sent a whopping 60.1 text messages per day, a slight increase from 59.5 in 2005."

What on earth are we doing? I'm reminded of something I read this week in Gregg Harris's book The Christian Homeschool. It is not at all the most seminal in this book full of salient points, but it is clearly relevant for this discussion. In making the point that "storytelling" is extremely important in the training and education of our children (not as in reading them a book aloud or spinning them a verbal yarn; but as in making every occasion, holiday, lesson, or life experience a chance to discuss a pertinent story from Scripture or history or experience), he notes:

"Television is perhaps the greatest enemy of storytelling today. When the tube goes on, all conversation stops. When it appeared in America, the front porch swing disappeared. It's time for us to take a second look and determine how to best use our time.

Storytelling isn't something we do only a designated times. As we read in Deuteronomy, chapter 6, we should be teaching throughout every day - as we're out walking, as we're driving in a car, as we're getting the children dressed in the morning. We should tell stories about the fish we've caught, the tree houses we've built, the dolls we loved, the honesty of Abraham Lincoln, the was Jesus sought out the sinful tax collector named Zaccheus, and so on. There is plenty of time to tell these stories. There is just not enough time for watching television."
- From The Christian Homeschool. Published by Noble Publishing Associates, Gresham, Oregon. Copyright 1995 by Gregg Harris.

That is, of course, if the television actually goes off... which, if what I've seen flashing out of all these beach houses all week is any indication, ain't likely. But this also requires that we're with our children throughout the day, which - in this age of working mothers and age-segregated schooling - also ain't likely.

But that is another topic for another day, when I am not itching to get outside into the beautiful surf and sand to spend the last glorious day of vacation with my family.

Life Grids

This week, since our return from Richmond, we have not been "doing school" in the normal sense of a regular homeschool day. If you asked my kids, in fact, they might even say they are already on vacation. But they aren't, really. Why? Because of "life grids."

During a normal school day, each of my children has a "grid" he manages, checking off items that are required of him. Certain academic work (like math and language) is expected on a daily basis; other academic work, as they get older, is assigned in weekly chunks, and my kids are required to determine and manage their own time and workload daily, to complete the assigned work over the course of the week. (Think college here.) So, some days they might not do any work in history or science or some other subjects we don't do daily. These items are still on their grids, however, and at the end of the day, they get a "sign off" from one of us parents indicating that all of the items have been checked off (if completed), crossed off (if intentionally not done this particular day), or x'ed off (if not required today).

And here's the deal. Grids work so well that we can't bring ourselves to give them up when we're not "doing school." All of the non-academic items of the grid still need to be done (the "life grid" we call these items), and the grid is simply the easiest and best and most reliable way to manage them. The grid becomes the "slave driver," not me!

So, what sorts of things are on the "life grid"? It varies for each child, but some of the non-negotiables are as follows:

MR (Morning Routine)
Dev (Devotions)
Gath (Gathering)
Piano/Violin
SM (Scripture Memory)
TB (Touch Base)
SR (School Reading)
PE
Chores
FR (Free Reading)
Guitar
5PC (Five-Point Check)
SO (Sign Off)

When we don't do grids, we get "scrambly." (This is a favorite word we've picked up from our piano teacher, to describe when life gets sloppy and ceases to be approached with deliberateness.) When we don't do grids, my kids are begging to play some form of electronic entertainment by 10:00 a.m. (And they'd play them indiscriminately for hours, too, until they finally got off - resentfully - when the "mean mom" asked them to.)

The grids keep us happy. The grids keep us productive. The grids keep my children squarely in charge of learning to be responsible with their time even when someone else isn't telling them what to do with every minute of their day. And best of all, the grids keep me from becoming a nag.

Why do we keep "doing school" during the late spring and over the summer? Because keeping a few academic items on the "life grid" during select weeks of summer isn't difficult, takes little time, keeps our academic skills sharp, and keeps us from being "bored." When we're done, we go swim or play. When we have a social invitation, we skip the academic stuff and take the chance to go visit. But we don't spend hours watching TV or playing electronic gaming devices or getting snippy with each other like we do when there is no grid. It keeps us living the principle that, "Play is a reward for work."

We hope to spare our children from the expectation we ourselves bought, unintentionally, as we lived the lie of adolescence as it is currently practiced in middle America: that one gets 3-4 months "off" every summer from the work the Lord has called him to do. Life doesn't work that way as adults. Why should we train ourselves to expect it to work that way while we're still children?

I'm reminded of something I read by Alex & Brett Harris on the Rebelution website entitled, "'Do Hard Things' Doesn't Mean You Can't Have Fun." They were speaking to a youth group at the time:

Once we realized the impression we were making Alex and I quickly explained that we weren’t “freaks of nature” with a genetic disposition for work. We are a lot like “normal” teenagers. We like sports (we’re short, but we try really hard), we love music, we watch movies, we style our hair, and we even play video games from time to time. But, we have a different way of looking at fun. Here are two principles we try to follow:

1) First Things First

Being a “rebelutionary” does not mean you have erased “fun” from your life. It means that you have relegated it to its proper place. “Do Hard Things” does not eliminate fun, but it elevates, honors, and recognizes the superiority of the activities and pursuits that strengthen, stretch, and grow our character and competence for the glory of God.

We explained to the youth group that night that Alex and I view fun as a break from the “hard things” that we spend the majority of our time doing. Did you catch that? We view fun as a break from hard things. We have fun after we feel that we have accomplished something significant.

Our culture, on the other hand, tells us that we should have fun first and do hard things only “when we have to.” Do you see the difference? It’s all about priorities. We will always prioritize that which is most important to us. A rebelutionary will place “fun” in its proper place, understanding that responsibility to God and others comes first. Our culture spreads the lie that our pleasure, our enjoyment, and our fun is first priority.

Our culture acts like it’s giving us something by allowing and encouraging us to just have fun — but the truth is that when all we care about is “having fun” we’re being robbed. Robbed of contentment in the future, robbed of effectiveness for God, robbed of competence, robbed of character, maybe even robbed of the spouse we’ve always wanted, because we weren’t prepared for them and didn’t deserve them.

A rebelutionary recognizes that what is most valuable isn’t always the most fun. A rebelutionary puts first things first, and second things (like fun) second.

2) Hard Things Can Be Fun

You might (accurately) conclude that Alex and I do fewer “fun things” than the average teen, but you couldn’t say we have less fun. We might spend less time playing video games, going to parties, and just “hangin’ out,” but we also enjoy much of the work we do.

In other words, it is possible to enjoy doing the hard things that develop your character and your competence for the glory of God. Alex and I love delving into the biography of a great man or woman, we love writing, and we love speaking. Which is good because that is what we spend the majority of our time doing!

...The point I want to leave you with is that hard things can be fun — not the way snowboarding is fun — but still in a fulfilling, exciting, and positive way.

These guys are some teens who "get it." I want my kids to be teens who "get it" - who work hard, and then play hard... but in godly ways, in the right proportions, and in that order.

Me, too, for that matter.

"Why I Choose to Homeschool"

I found an article by one of the speakers we heard this week, Gregg Harris, taken from the August 1999 issue of Tabletalk magazine and entitled, "Why I Choose to Homeschool." He's pretty bold. I agree with most of what he says. These are the things I desire for my family, too.

Disillusioned

This morning I am feeling disillusioned. Disappointed. Confused. Frustrated. I'm not sure what word to put to it, but it is something like those words above. I don't know how to even muse about my thoughts. They're intermingled and garbled and tinged with emotion. And so I stammer...

This morning, I found two equally frustrating emails. The first was a query about how our small church plant congregation felt about switching our church services from 10:00 to 9:30 over the summer months so that folks can get outside to the beach and stuff sooner. I was blown away. I thought of the high view of the Lord's Day espoused by the Westminster Catechism (Questions 115-121) and the PCA Book of Church Order(Chapter 48) , both influential documents in our denomination, and I was puzzled and grieved even at the request. Although I don't ascribe to the restrictive ideas presented in those documents (I do not believe we are required on Sunday to refrain from "activities that are lawful on other days"), I do value the day as a day set apart for different things. Do we view our Sundays - all day long - as privileged days of worship and communion and fellowship and service, or are they just another "day off" for us to play?

The second email was from the youth group leader at our church. They are planning the final youth group event of the year, which takes place next week and involves a trip to see Prince Caspian together. I wrote back asking if this was a family event, but received a reply that it was for the youth group only. This makes me sad, but it doesn't surprise me, really. In my experience, most people (and consequently, most families, most churches, most programs, most whatevers) have one focus or the other... they are either "family-oriented" or they are oriented toward isolating people into age-segregated groups. It is rare to see a place that does both things well. And so my elder two children are placed in a position of choosing... choosing between going to see this movie as part of the church youth group, or going to see this movie as part of our family. We read aloud together The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe last year as a family. We went to see that movie together. EL, then just six, actually wept in my husband's lap during the scene depicting Aslan's murder.

And we have eagerly anticipated the impending release of next week's follow-up film. We have gotten the Prince Caspian book-on-tape from the library and listened to it together over the last few weeks. We've mused aloud together about how they'll depict certain things, speculated about what they might change, pondered how we'll feel about the fact that Caspian is being depicted as a much older boy than in the book. The release of this film is basically something that our family has looked forward to with increasing anticipation over the past year.

And so the choice lies before us. I know what my choice would be. I know what my husband prefers, and I certainly know what their two younger sisters would choose. But I hate that the older two have to choose... choose between sharing this long-anticipated memory with us, or participating in the final youth group event of the year.

Why do we do this to kids? Why do we lament that they are so caught up in "youth culture," and bemuse their obsession with texting and MySpace, yet drive them at every turn to value time and interaction with each other more than with the entirety of the Body... young and old?! I think of the time my daughter was asked (during a youth group Bible study) to share the place where she felt most comfortable. She replied, "with my family," to which a youth group friend replied vehemently, "Ungh. Not me. I don't have anything in common with my family. I prefer to be with people my own age."

And there you have it.