Staying home, and still they find me.
Stuck inside, and yet they penetrate the quarantine walls.
No invitation necessary.
No welcome needed.
Not even an open door
(Or a tightly closed one)
They're just here.
In my mind.
On my screen.
In my heart.
In these walls.
Where is the still, small voice?
I awaken from fleeting sleep and
(Blessed, elusive sleep)
stumble into the bathroom.
In a daze
And a haze.
For just one blessed second
Before the train rounds the corner and
Blows its awful whistle
Of reminder.
For one brief, transient moment
I walk in a glorious sea of forgetfulness
Before that relentless train
Smacks into my pummeled soul once again
I look across the hallway
And I see you there
Seated
Battling a difficult math problem
Or maybe just trying to muster the will
To do an easy one
Their way.
No matter.
Just as it comes into focus
The image is gone.
Like you.
And I can't get you back.
How can you be gone?
Your beautiful self
Your beautiful smile
Your gifted eye
Your clever retort
Your very being
Vanished and irrecoverable
I feel the tears spring to my eyes
And quickly fill them to overflowing
Again.
Tears trickling down familiar lines
I am weeping again.
Again.
I fight the urge to bury this pain
Deep
Where it can't hurt me
(Yeah, right)
Where it can't find me
(Hello again)
The grinning, terrifying voice
Of the Accuser
Haunts me
I will not hide.
You prepare a table right before me
In the presence of my Enemy.
This grief
This blame
This guilt
This threatened hopelessness
It is here again.
Again.
I turn to face it
Embrace it
Bring it to Your loving hand
I will fear no evil
No Evil
Even in this Valley
Of the Shadow
Of Death
I will walk through
("The only way out is through")
And find peace
Goodbye, dear Joshua.
Snuggle in.
Your Father is glad to have you Home
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