The Gift of Such a One

Today two of my favorite people on the planet married each other. 

For both, this is their second marriage. The second time they've promised to love, and cherish, and have, and hold... forsaking all others—promising all of it "for as long as they both shall live." 

We promise to do this thing "until death parts us." And the first time—you know, when you're 20-something and don't know much at all about marriage, or love, or the world... or anything, really—you speak those words like they mean "for a really long time," or maybe even "forever"... but in this far-off, distant, never-really-gonna-get-there way that makes sense, when you know everything—and nothing—all at once. 20-something.

This time around, they know—and I mean know—what they're promising. At 50-something, they've lived it. For one, the holding of the hands through decades of cancer's ravaging scourge, the hands cupping the face until the bitter end of the journey... gazing into wild eyes lost in the pain of this unnatural departure. For the other, the devastation of the broken vow, the fracturing of what was believed to be secure, unbreakable. "I would like to end it," and holding tight through the tempest of all that ensues. The devastated mother and son trying to find footing in the world gone mad, with the departure of dad.

I have prayed with, and for, both of these precious ones—each one walking the path of pain and loss and hope and trust, each one seeking the will of the One who holds them fast "while sea billows roll." So to see them find one another... and to find love again, in one another... has been one of the deepest joys of this season of my earthly life. Thank you, Lord, for redemption and joy and gladness, in the midst of all the pain and sorrow and grief that accompanies us on this journey called life.

I process things in poetry—always have. The urge is always strong to take to stanza and verse when I want to communicate something deep, and tricky, and a little bit elusive. This is the poem I wrote when they asked me to speak at their reception, sharing a little of what it has meant to walk through this with each of them, over years. As the one who has known each of them longer than anyone else—most in attendance had only known one or the other, but not both, for any length of time—I got to speak. This poem was part of my offering.*

The Gift of Such a One

“You find your Cheris and Kathys and Christines," 

I had told my girls.

“They don’t come around very often. 

So you find ‘em and hold on tight!”

Something happens 

when you’re friends with someone 

from your youth 

And you grow up together

Over years 

And seasons

And seasons  

And years

When you’re in it for the long haul.

Maybe. 

Hopefully.

But you never really know for sure

Now do you?

Because sometimes you’re great

But sometimes you’re awful

And there’s no hiding it 

from the forever friend 

Gracious 

And kind

And generous.

But sometimes rude

And selfish

And mean.

Arrogant

And proud

And so very self-absorbed 

One can never really know 

if the friendship

Is gonna hold.

Is gonna make it.

Is gonna take it.

Is gonna survive the different stages

And seasons.

And all the stuff

That dreams are made of

And fears

And hopes

When you walk through life.

Through pain and sickness and grief and loss. 

There is only one that will never leave you nor forsake you

Never walk away

Never choose to go

But sometimes in the midst of all the betrayal

And all the loss

And all the fear

And all the pain

He gives the gift of one

who reaches out

And takes your hands.

“Ssshh. There, there.

Let’s walk together.”

And he wraps his fingers carefully in yours

Fixing his eyes firmly on what may come

Thank you for the gift of such a one

Who whispers, “I’m not going anywhere”

And somehow makes me believe it

And for a blessed handful few others 

Thank you for bringing them to me

And then, to each other

© 2024 Laurie Sitterding

*Wedding photo credits: Danielle Haudricourt